Hey, if this discovery leads to time travel, can we go back in time and prevent Theo from signing this meatball tosser?

CERN scientists are now exploring the possibility that John Lackey’s rapidly expanding ERA may help account for the recent observation of neutrinos traveling faster then the speed of light.

CERN spokeman Antonio Ereditato said, “Lackey’s ERA has expanded so rapidly that it now covers most of western Europe and is throwing off its own gravitational field. Peter Fisher from MIT first documented the effect, and theorized that the neutrinos may have accelerated as they traveled around it. It’s similar to light particles accelerating around black holes.”

Peter Fisher, head of MIT’s particle physics department, commented, “We first noticed something amiss in May, when we were getting flukey results in some radioactive half-life experiments. It took some time to puzzle it out.”

But eventually they realized that the strange results occurred on days that Lackey was pitching. “After we discovered that we tried using our instruments to measure Lackey’s ERA, but by the time we ran the experiments in July it had grown out of control, and the gravitational field had become permanent, whether he was pitching or not. And it’s been getting more powerful since then.”